There are parts of this that are incredibly good. I like the little insights into his thinking and into the way he fights. though the constant switching from bhmouth to him was distracting and the word play needs to be gone over. there are too many sections with repetitionof words that do not help the impact of the piece. I gave a good rating on orig because of the comments about the training room. and the beginging of them fighting each other. and the beh. point of view but the switches of view need help and the flow can be done a bit better.
Overall This is a good piece. your imagery is wonderful though I agree that the fight stances and pictures need a bit more something.